“Can’t We All Just Get Along?” Planning for an Amicable Divorce

Amicable DivorceThe late, great Nora Ephron wrote a lot about divorce. Divorced twice herself, she shared her wisdom and heartbreak with audiences as editor-at-large of Huffington Post Divorce. Among Ephron’s notable work is her list of lessons about the dissolution of marriage, which can help couples through the painful process. In 2010, in the introduction of Huff Post’s new feature, Divorce Aphorism of the Day, she wrote, “It crosses our mind that there’s far too much attention paid to aphorisms about falling in love and not nearly enough to those about falling out of love.” If she were to give advice today it seems she would advocate couples to develop an amicable divorce plan.

Getting divorced isn’t an easy process. It takes work and stamina. It’s a very emotional time and can lead to more anger, hurt and frustration. However, attempting to keep emotions in check will only benefit everyone in the long run, especially if there are children in the family. Avoiding long drawn out battles saves money and time and opens the gate to let healing begin.

If both sides can agree on a number of things early in the process – splitting assets, dealing with debt and custody if children are involved – the divorce can be expedited and both parties can begin to assemble their new lives. Drawn out, bitter divorces drain everyone’s energy, significantly increases the stress levels of all parties and is likely to cause a future filled with anger and resentment. If couples develop an amicable divorce plan, some of these pitfalls can be avoided.

One of the key words in divorce is compromise. Both parties have to be willing to give something during the negotiations. It is the ability to compromise that helps smooth out an otherwise gut-wrenching experience. It’s human nature to want to be in control of our lives but in divorce it is essential to remember that all parties may experience the feeling of a loss of control. Agreeing to compromise helps the parties regain some of that control as they make decisions that benefit them and are tailored to their specific experiences. Making those decisions will help move everyone forward.

Striving for an amicable divorce has many benefits, given the difficult circumstance of a divorce in the first place. The children, if any, won’t be subjected to warring parents. They won’t be exposed to parents saying nasty things about each other, thereby  somewhat easing the burden the divorce places on them. This can only help them heal faster and adjust to their new lives more quickly. It will also allow the parties to be more effective co-parents.

Once a it has been determined that divorce is inevitable and the parties agree that they want to be as cooperative with each other as possible, an option to consider is mediation. The process of mediation can be less expensive that the traditional route of litigation.  The couple takes an active role in a mediated settlement and can create their own mediation agreement, which often resulting in more lasting  compliance because the terms of the agreement has been custom-made for the family’s needs.

Rising above the fray of divorce can save money, time, and wear and tear. Seeking the advice of an experienced professional may help you develop a plan for an amicable resolution to divorce. We at Jacobs Berger, LLC can assist you in putting together a workable solution helping you create a durable life plan. For more information or to meet with one of our attorneys regarding your upcoming divorce, give our office a call at 973-718-7705.

 

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About the Author:

Jamie Berger practices exclusively in the area of family law. She has extensive experience in all aspects of litigation in family and appellate court proceedings. Prior to being a partner at Jacobs Berger, Jamie practiced at a boutique Morris County Matrimonial Law Firm for several years. Before that, Jamie served as a Law Clerk for The Honorable Eugene A. Iadanza, J.S.C. in the Monmouth County Superior Court, Family Part.

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