“Conscious Uncoupling”: An Ode To A Mediated Divorce

Mediation Strategies and Conscious Uncoupling in Morris County NJ Divorce Cases

Mediation Strategies and Conscious Uncoupling in Morris County NJ Divorce CasesAs mediation continues to grow as one of the most popular alternative divorce methods in New Jersey, this private, less time-consuming and less expensive method to end a marriage, dissolve a civil union, or legal relationship dissolution, seems to also share the advantage of having less emotional, financial, physical and legal complications. As each party focuses on creating new, cooperative, and respectful means of deciding keys issues such as child custody, child support, alimony, and spousal support, and the division of marital assets and debt, a neutral third party or mediator is on hand to support each party in expressing their concerns and desires without fear of judgment, to facilitate meaningful discussions between the parties that properly take into account their respective needs and concerns, and find reasonable solutions.

This utilization of strategies to remain respectful and reduce emotional and financial damage to keep both parties moving forward, closely mirrors the concept of “Conscious Uncoupling” coined by Katherine Woodward Thomas in 2011 and cited by Gwen Paltrow when describing her amicable divorce from Cold Play frontman, Chris Martin.

According to Paltrow, “I just thought, ‘I wonder if there’s a way to circumvent that and just go directly to the point where we’re friends’ and we remember what we loved about each other,” she said. “We’re family, that’s it. So we can pretend we’re not and hate each other and drop a kid at the end of the driveway and not come in or let’s try to reinvent this for ourselves.”

Conscious Uncoupling Moving Forward Emotionally and Financially

Divorce isn’t easy and the litigation process can significantly weaken or destroy many of the things you and your family have built over the course of the marriage. An awareness of past missteps and a mindful approach during the mediation process, can help you create a solid and successful foundation for your future, so that each party has the opportunity to heal, enter the next phase of their life, and increase their own likelihood and openness to other personal or more emotionally fulfilling and satisfying relationships. As long as you and your spouse are committed to resolving your disputes in a communicative and honest manner, and are willing to make compromises in an effort to more amicably, privately, and cost-effectively resolve your divorce, mediation can work for you.

The Mediation Process as a Tool for Healing & Empowerment

By employing a less adversarial model, each party contemplating divorce litigation or the dissolution of a civil union, can you can choose to take the traditional, court-based divorce path or a more “conscious” one, that utilizes peaceful communication, and where each party actively weigh the implications of where they are and what their future could be. Fortunately, your personal growth isn’t conditional on whether or not your spouse chooses to participate. Openness to the process, self-love, acceptance, forgiveness can possibly help one engaged in the mediation process, to navigate previous roadblocks or misunderstandings in the relationship.

Simply put, mediation for some may be a more sophisticated way of dealing with separation and divorce. Essentially each party is allowed to determine their own future and in doing so, create a possible blueprint for positive future communication.

Preserving the Family Structure: Conscious Uncoupling for Your Child’s Well-being

Because the goal of a “Conscious Uncoupling” is never to sever the relationship, this kind of strategy may be practical in preserving elements of the family structure in child custody arrangements; encouraging successfully cooperative co-parenting solutions and reducing the circumstances where parental alienation can arise, thereby maintaining the best emotional and psychological best interests of the child(ren).

Key Steps of Conscious Uncoupling

  1. Preserving the Family Structure: Conscious Uncoupling for Your Child’s Well-beingIdentify and acknowledge the feelings you are experiencing
  2. Forgive yourself
  3. Reclaim your own personal power and independence
  4. Use this opportunity to shed toxic habits, relationships, anger, resentment
  5. Let go of previous expectations or promises your spouse made to you
  6. Reflect and venture on the road to empowerment by creating a more mindful, healthier and productive relationship with your ex/co-parent and more emotionally satisfying relationships with others

Although the relationship came to an end, the relationship per se was not necessarily a failure. By recognizing this, each party may be able to forgive themselves and their soon-to-be ex and strive for understanding and generosity over hatred and punishment.

Contact Our Morristown Mediation Attorneys Today

The experienced attorneys of Jacobs Berger strive to find solutions that not only specifically meet our clients’ unique needs and concerns, but in a manner which protects your financial stability, and the stability of your family life as well.

Having worked with families across Madison, Randolph, Tewksbury, Morristown, and the greater Morris County area, we are ready to put our unique and effective approach to work for you today, either through negotiation during your divorce, as neutral divorce mediators, or as legal representatives to you during the mediation process.

To discuss your options and how our firm can more peaceably, effectively, and creatively help you resolve your family law or divorce issues, schedule your confidential case assessment by contacting us online, or calling our Morristown, NJ office at (973) 718-7705.

About the Author:

Jamie Berger practices exclusively in the area of family law. She has extensive experience in all aspects of litigation in family and appellate court proceedings. Prior to being a partner at Jacobs Berger, Jamie practiced at a boutique Morris County Matrimonial Law Firm for several years. Before that, Jamie served as a Law Clerk for The Honorable Eugene A. Iadanza, J.S.C. in the Monmouth County Superior Court, Family Part.

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